It’s been a long long
time since I’ve last blogged. I guess you can say that I’ve had some writers
block. I also let life happen. I have had the time of my life since you all
have heard from me. I ran 2 half marathons and finished the Marine Corps Marathon.
It was a run that I had always wanted to do. Trained hard for it and put all my focus
into that one run. Everything I did during the past year up until marathon day was preparation. It was the best worst experience of my ENTIRE life, but so
fulfilling. I had never felt better. Felt both fit and healthy and then I
wanted to do more!
Running a marathon was such an incredible feeling. So many
emotional highs and lows. There were plenty of times where I wanted to give up,
and then I’d dig deep and knew I had to keep going. Just keep putting one foot
in front of the other tears and all. There was a point where I didn’t think I
would make it to the gauntlet, this is a point on the course that closes and
you get rerouted to the bridge, becoming unable to complete a full marathon.
There was a troll in the spectator area that told us we were too slow and we
missed it. I believed him. After all, the crowd was there to encourage not tear
us down. I broke down and cried. I kept jogging, I felt sick, my body wanted to
give out… I wasn’t sure what to do. If I don’t run a complete marathon why
bother going to the finish line. Then a Team Running Strong supporter ran up to
me screaming come on hurry up you’ve made it!!!!! Then everyone in my little
group perked up and we went for broke and we all made the gauntlet. Then we
beat the bridge. This Running Strong Supporter stayed with us the whole time.
Got us to that bridge. That straggler bus was right on our heels. But we made
it with plenty of time to spare. All we had was about 5 more miles. I pushed
through. I finished that marathon!
After that marathon Billy Mills told me how proud he was and gave
me the biggest hug. He told me I earned my wings that day. I’m not going to
divulge everything he said as it was private, but it was perhaps the proudest
moment of my life. Earning your wings is a very big deal. To hear it from such
an important figure goes beyond compare.
Admittedly after the marathon, I struggled with recovery. It took a long time. But once I felt like myself again I started training again and had new goals. I was
going to run Marine Corps again and do it in an even faster time. I had a
long list of half marathons and 10ks on my list for this year. Including Marine
Corps. I had a spot, I was to use the bib transfer program from a Running
Strong team member who was unable to run last year and wouldn’t be able to do
it this year either.
Then the unthinkable happened. One day after a spin class my back
went out. There was no warning. There was no mechanism of injury. It just totally
went. I have had back problems in the past and didn’t think anything of it. I went
home to lay down and let it settle. Next thing I knew, I couldn’t get out of
bed. The pain agonizing and stopped me in my tracks. I went to the ER. Diagnosis: Torn muscle. I was to follow up with the orthopedic which
I did.
Then I was in for the ride of my life. More pain than I could
explain, strange symptoms that I had never felt before. The medicine prescribed
wasn’t helping much. More tests were run and the results showed quite a bit more than anyone ever
expected. During my appointment I was
expecting “you’ll be back being hard core again in no time.” That did not
happen. Instead, it was a moment where they were talking and pointing at the images and everything went quiet. Numbness began to set in. I fought back the
tears. In an instant. Everything changed. My muscle was the least of my worries. It was my spine.
It is with a heavy heart that I must announce my retirement from
long distance running. The one thing that allowed me to clear my mind like no
other. You hear people talk about the “runners high.” I’m going to miss it. It
is a feeling like no other! I know a lot of people don’t understand that
feeling because when they run its pure torture. I understand that. Running
isn’t for everyone, just like golf isn’t for everyone.
I am grateful though. I can walk. I can swim. I can do various low
impact exercise.
But now whenever I see a runner I feel a wide range of emotions. I
feel angry when I see them run because they can and I can’t. Then I feel bad
for feeling angry at them as they did nothing wrong. I then instantly get sad
and want to cry, because I want to run too. Then my emotions change again.
For the runner; I pray that the person can continue to run. I hope that that
person can keep running because I see these people out every single day. We
would pass each other on the trails and in the streets. Runners support runners, high fives all
around, nods of acknowledgement, smiles… It’s a good community to be a part of.
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There has been lots of people who have reached out to me. I would like to thank them. Friends, co-workers, strangers, and some doctors. The new mantra... "We are warriors not worriers." Thanks to my buddy Nat for that one!
During one of my lowest points a close friend who is also an
athlete, fitness director, and nurse talked to me from the heart. She truly
cared and was able to understand exactly what I was going through. She helped
me realize that my life isn’t over. It has just changed. She reminded me that I’ve
already run a marathon so why do it again? Check it off my list and go for a
new goal. She said goals can change. So we set a new goal. As we discussed and
I already knew (but was in denial about) the marathon would not be a good idea.
It's the impact that is causing me issues and can potentially do me in.
So without my goal of faster marathon times what would my new goal
be? Ultimately- Iron Girl, sprint distance. And she’s going to do it with me.
This is my new motivation.
Step 1. Become a strong swimmer. I have to work hard. Swimming is
no joke. It is hard and I have to work on it.
So you may be wondering about the running just as I was. 5ks are
not out of the picture. I could walk it if I have to. Swimming will strengthen
everything. The goal timeline is 1-2 years and by then… I can see myself
running 5ks again. If I can’t. I’m already a strong cyclist and by
then I’ll be a strong swimmer. I could walk it if I had to. I just want to
finish.
While I want to run Marine
Corps just one more time, after talking with my friends I would much rather be
able to stay active and be an instructor than destroy my body for no reason.. I
have done the marathon- we know I can do it. So I will check it off the bucket list. As sad as I am
about it. I don't want to make it worse. I am protecting my body so I can
continue to teach fitness classes and encourage others. I can't do that if I injure
myself beyond repair which is a very real possibility that I didn't understand
before. If I run another marathon, I may never teach again. This is not an option. I love teaching. It's my passion.
1-2 years is a long way off. So what about before then?
There
is a 5k I have my eyes on and have talked to my physical therapist about it. It’s
8 weeks out. My goal is to walk it.
