Last night I had a huge breakthrough mentally. I went to the gym about an hour and fifteen minutes earlier than planned. I just wanted to be there and hang out. I got on the treadmill and was running when Heather my personal trainer came in. She was to teach her Pilate's class then we were going to do my training session.
She talked me into going to Pilate's which is when it all started.
I had this realization in class… Normally I NEVER look at the mirror to check my form because I don't like seeing the fat girl staring back at me. But I did at one point to make sure my form was at least half way decent LOL. It was :) But when I looked into the mirror I saw everyone else in the room too. I totally blended in. That was part one of my brain starting to put 2 and 2 together.
Then when we started our session, again I made the mistake of looking into the mirror- and realized, I still blended in. I looked just like everyone else. Then on the treadmill it sunk in. Doing the sprints I realized that I'm not "that" fat girl anymore. That "fat" girl is gone. So all I could do was put my head down low and try to keep myself composed enough where I wouldn't break down and cry. It was an intense feeling realizing that after all this time. Yeah I still have more to lose, but it feels different now. Can't explain how, but it does. I feel like I'm ready to push a little harder. Even if I can't do a lot extra, I think I can push a little more.
When I left the gym I just sat in my car and cried. I couldn't stop. Even today I still feel very emotional. I feel like all this weight is being lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I'm becoming free. Free from the chains that not only society put on me but the chains I allowed to be placed there and the chains that I put on myself. No more limitations. No more chains. I'm evolving.
