It's hard to pinpoint exactly when I started to gain weight, but I think it towards the end of 2002 right after I had colon surgery. I am still astounded at myself that I didn’t realize how big I was getting. I think part of the reason was I wore scrubs a lot that were big and baggy and was completely oblivious to that fact that my waist was getting bigger until one day my big baggy scrubs were very tight.
I started out walking on the treadmill. Eventually I wore that treadmill out. I actually broke it! Who does that?! At the end of 2003, I pulled out Richard Simmons’ Sweatin tapes. I had to, they were fun and that is what I used in the past. When I first started I couldn’t even make it through one song…Today I can make it through the workouts twice.
Food has always been a challenge for me. I tend to go to extremes either eating way too little or way too much. I have found a balance with the help of my personal trainer.
Before I was able to begin to make changes I had to hit rock bottom first. When I hit rock bottom it was hard both emotionally and physically. I had gone to the doctor’s office for a visit because my back was hurting and she flat out told me I was fat! I was broken about this. I had lost so much weight and people were noticing, yet my doctor was rude. I knew I was big and I knew I was fat. But those words dug so deeply into my soul…that it raised an unhealthy eating habit.
Soon after, I ended up in the hospital with chest pains and was only 26. I kept going in and the doctors couldn't find anything wrong. Then the last time I went into the ER with the chest pain I had this wonderful PA. Her name was Kat. She knew something was going on with me. And I ‘fessed up. I was starving myself...Barely getting 700 calories a day...And I was working out compulsively. I trusted her. I knew she wouldn't ridicule me or call me names or tell me I was stupid. Instead we talked, a lot. She then had me do tons of tests to make sure that I was ok. I was and from that day forward I had a new perspective. Yeah it was hard not throwing up and it was hard to eat. It still is. But I am fighting. I don't want anyone to go through this. It's not right. There have been times where I have relapsed and binged and purged, but it’s been so long now since I’ve done that I can’t tell you. And that is such a wonderful feeling.
My journey hasn’t been bad though, I have done a lot of firsts. I went body boarding for the first time, took martial arts, canoed, kayaked, and I even ran in the 2008 & 2009 Marine Corps Marathon 10K. I couldn’t run the 2010 due to a medical issue. This year (2013) I'm running the Marine Corps Marathon, my first marathon ever!
These are things that would have never been possible at my starting weight. I am the most proud perhaps of running the entire distance of the MCM 10K. I may have finished at the end of the pack but I finished. I trained for that race, and I trained hard. When I first started I couldn’t run very far, only going about 10 feet at a time. I had no idea running on a trail was so different than doing aerobics inside and jogging on the treadmill. But within no time I was running a complete mile, then 2 miles, then 3 miles until I was running a full 6.2 miles! It only took 2.5 months to be able to get my body to ready for the race. During my training I got down to about 260 and I felt great! Running became such an important part of my life and journey.
But then it happened. I had a major setback and gained quite a bit of weight back. I went back up to 325 pounds. I gained weight because I stopped working out and stopped watching my portions, etc... after I ran in the 10k successfully. I was so mad at myself and it was easy to beat myself up over it, but once I was able to move past it and realize that it is just a hurdle on my way to a happy and healthy lifestyle I was able to take back control. I buckled down dusted off my Richard Video’s and increased the intensity of my workouts and really paid attention to what I was eating. I put myself back into pre-10k training.
Eventually I did join a gym for the first time. Not until I lost a little more weight though. I had to feel comfortable with the idea. Before I just felt too big to work out in a gym. Funny isn’t it? The one place where we go to to get healthy and I didn’t feel comfortable. The gym I joined is different than any other gym I have encountered in my area. They embrace the overweight. They are kind and patient. They teach us and help us modify. Now I help other people modify. It’s just a great feeling to be there, it’s like a family.
I have been training with a personal trainer for quite some time now. I cannot tell you how priceless this is. Many people ask how I can afford this. It’s pretty easy. The money I am saving from NOT buying fast food all the time is paying for it. It really adds up, and you don’t even think about it.
I have learned many things along the way including that my weight does not define me. My confidence has improved and I really have been coming out of my shell more and more. I am reaching out to other people who have a similar journey to travel. I want to spread the word that it is possible. I am now a personal trainer, a licensed zumba instructor, and yet I’m still on my journey. I am not yet at my goal weight. That’s ok, I’m still going strong.
Richard Simmons told me once that once I love myself will be when I truly win the battle. With the strides I’ve taken, I am starting to see and understand what he meant and I see that I am worth it just as much as anyone else.
My weight loss journey has had many ups and downs and a lot of tears. Through much soul searching I have realized that my weight doesn’t define who I am. In order to be truly successful you have to accept who you are on the inside and love yourself. Something that I am still working on, but it’s getting better. I am worth it.
Together we CAN make a difference, one day at a time. Know that there is always hope.
- So long as you can still move your body, even if it is while sitting in a chair there is hope.
- So long as you want to become healthy and active, there is hope.
- Whatever your fitness level, whatever your weight, you can get healthy if you set your mind to it.
I did it and so can you! I have changed my life in so many ways, here are a few accomplishments:
- Certified Fitness Instructor
- Licensed Zumba Instructor
- Lost over 200 pounds by engaging in a healthy active lifestyle
- Featured as a Richard Simmons' Success Story
