March 30th was the last time I posted here. I
thought about posting, but just wasn't feeling it. I had nothing to say.
My goal of walking the 5k 8 weeks out did not happen. I let
a lot of different things get to me. I let the pain get to me, I let the frustration
get to me, I pushed people away. Actually I shoved most people away. Then
one day, talking with my physical therapist, she said why not the Marine Corps
10k? It’s in October, that is a long way off and by then… why not?
I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. I had gained
quite a bit of weight back. I was down on myself. I admit it. I turned to food
which I know better. Despite the weight gain. I signed up for the run. I told
my trainer who was nothing but supportive. We worked hard.
I had written something for LiveFit Revolution earlier this
year. When I wrote it it was very emotional. Today it's impact is even stronger. I would like to share with you what I wrote:
The first moment, 450lbs. Shock, sadness,
embarrassment, the wonder of how and what’s next.
The moment where you parked at the last
parking spot at the mall just to walk further and being winded by time you get
to the door.
The moment where you finally made it
through two songs in your favorite dance dvd.
That moment, where despite how hard you
worked you broke a chair you sat down in because it couldn’t handle the weight.
Three times.
The moment where you didn’t give up. The
moment you gave up. The moment you tried again.
The moment where you fit into a booth for
the first time, fit comfortably into a car and the seatbelt didn’t bite, and
the moment you choose water over alcohol at the picnic and had a good time.
That moment where you are able to fit
down the aisles in the store or in-between cars in a parking lot. The moment
you can ride a horse or go on an amusement park ride.
The moment where you realize you are
succeeding.
The moment you realized you have completed
5k’s and 10k’s but still want more.
The moment where you realize you got
comfortable and gained a lot of weight back. Instead of quitting you fought
harder.
The moment where you are standing in
front of your very own fitness class, helping other people just like you.
The moment you register for a half
marathon and the nerves have your stomach in knots. The moment you cross the
finish line and realize you did more than a half marathon.
That
moment where you cross the finish line after 26.2 miles and well over 200lbs
lighter. No shock, sadness, or embarrassment. You know how and what’s next.
More moments.
2.5 weeks ago I had my new moment. I completed that 10k. I ran the entire time
except at the water stops. I still haven’t mastered running and drinking. It is
truly an art-form! There were times I wanted to quit because it was hard. But I
heard Christine, my trainer in my head. Whatever you do don’t walk. I don’t
care how slow you run, just don’t walk. I didn't run the fastest that I ever
had like I thought I would. I finished in a realistic time, with the pack. I got my medal and my photo taken. While the
marathon medal will forever be my favorite. This 10k medal holds a special place.
It’s the medal that never should have been had I listened to all those doctors.
I’m stronger than anyone gave me credit for. I had to prove it to myself. I
needed that run. I needed that run to prove to myself that I am still the same
person I was before the back injury. I can still be hard core. I can still
jump. I don’t need to be low impact all the time. I just have to know what my
limitations are. One day will be different than the next. But now I’m telling
you that I feel pumped all over again. I’m taking this extra weight off. I’ll
be back down to my goal weight again within 5-6 months. This I don’t doubt. I
just have to be smart. I have to listen to those who really know my body and
who really know me. I have to listen to
my body. I don’t have to take what those specialists say as the holy grail of
what will be. They don’t know.
So what’s next? I still want that Iron Girl. I stopped
training for it because I was disgusted and frustrated. But it’s back in my
line of vision. I don’t see a marathon again in my future. I am one and done
and so incredibly proud that I did one. Now, if there is one thing I’ve learned
is never say never. Anything is possible. At this moment in time I don’t see it
happening. I don’t want to wreck my body. I have some fun 5k’s in mind for next
year as well as the Marine Corps 10k again (this is just my favorite run of all
time).
I’m back. I've been gone a while. I needed to work through
my own troubles and I chose to do it privately. For those of you who follow me on FB, you already knew I was back. But I wanted to post here as well and let everyone know that moments happen and more moments will come.
If you are on myfitnesspal.com feel free to add me as a
friend. I am irisheagles. I also have vivofit. You may add me there as well.
This is my lifelong journey. I will never get to goal and be
able to stay there without a lot of hard work. Maintenance is hard. I look
forward to getting back there and working it.
