I'm Back!

March 30^th was the last time I posted here. I thought about posting, but just wasn't feeling it. I had nothing to say.

My goal of walking the 5k 8 weeks out did not happen. I let a lot of different things get to me. I let the pain get to me, I let the frustration get to me, I pushed people away.  Actually I shoved most people away.  Then one day, talking with my physical therapist, she said why not the Marine Corps 10k? It’s in October, that is a long way off and by then… why not?

I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. I had gained quite a bit of weight back. I was down on myself. I admit it. I turned to food which I know better. Despite the weight gain. I signed up for the run. I told my trainer who was nothing but supportive. We worked hard.

I had written something for LiveFit Revolution earlier this year. When I wrote it it was very emotional. Today it's impact is even stronger. I would like to share with you what I wrote:

The first moment, 450lbs. Shock, sadness, embarrassment, the wonder of how and what’s next.

The moment where you parked at the last parking spot at the mall just to walk further and being winded by time you get to the door.

The moment where you finally made it through two songs in your favorite dance dvd.

That moment, where despite how hard you worked you broke a chair you sat down in because it couldn’t handle the weight. Three times.

The moment where you didn’t give up. The moment you gave up. The moment you tried again.

The moment where you fit into a booth for the first time, fit comfortably into a car and the seatbelt didn’t bite, and the moment you choose water over alcohol at the picnic and had a good time.

That moment where you are able to fit down the aisles in the store or in-between cars in a parking lot. The moment you can ride a horse or go on an amusement park ride.

The moment where you realize you are succeeding.

The moment you realized you have completed 5k’s and 10k’s but still want more.

The moment where you realize you got comfortable and gained a lot of weight back. Instead of quitting you fought harder.

The moment where you are standing in front of your very own fitness class, helping other people just like you.

The moment you register for a half marathon and the nerves have your stomach in knots. The moment you cross the finish line and realize you did more than a half marathon.

That moment where you cross the finish line after 26.2 miles and well over 200lbs lighter. No shock, sadness, or embarrassment. You know how and what’s next. More moments.

2.5 weeks ago I had my new moment. I completed that 10k. I ran the entire time except at the water stops. I still haven’t mastered running and drinking. It is truly an art-form! There were times I wanted to quit because it was hard. But I heard Christine, my trainer in my head. Whatever you do don’t walk. I don’t care how slow you run, just don’t walk. I didn't run the fastest that I ever had like I thought I would. I finished in a realistic time, with the pack.  I got my medal and my photo taken. While the marathon medal will forever be my favorite. This 10k medal holds a special place. It’s the medal that never should have been had I listened to all those doctors. I’m stronger than anyone gave me credit for. I had to prove it to myself. I needed that run. I needed that run to prove to myself that I am still the same person I was before the back injury. I can still be hard core. I can still jump. I don’t need to be low impact all the time. I just have to know what my limitations are. One day will be different than the next. But now I’m telling you that I feel pumped all over again. I’m taking this extra weight off. I’ll be back down to my goal weight again within 5-6 months. This I don’t doubt. I just have to be smart. I have to listen to those who really know my body and who really know me.  I have to listen to my body. I don’t have to take what those specialists say as the holy grail of what will be. They don’t know.

So what’s next? I still want that Iron Girl. I stopped training for it because I was disgusted and frustrated. But it’s back in my line of vision. I don’t see a marathon again in my future. I am one and done and so incredibly proud that I did one. Now, if there is one thing I’ve learned is never say never. Anything is possible. At this moment in time I don’t see it happening. I don’t want to wreck my body. I have some fun 5k’s in mind for next year as well as the Marine Corps 10k again (this is just my favorite run of all time).

I’m back. I've been gone a while. I needed to work through my own troubles and I chose to do it privately. For those of you who follow me on FB, you already knew I was back. But I wanted to post here as well and let everyone know that moments happen and more moments will come. 

If you are on myfitnesspal.com feel free to add me as a friend. I am irisheagles. I also have vivofit. You may add me there as well.

This is my lifelong journey. I will never get to goal and be able to stay there without a lot of hard work. Maintenance is hard. I look forward to getting back there and working it.

New Beginnings

 It’s been a long long time since I’ve last blogged. I guess you can say that I’ve had some writers block. I also let life happen. I have had the time of my life since you all have heard from me. I ran 2 half marathons and finished the Marine Corps Marathon. It was a run that I had always wanted to do. Trained hard for it and put all my focus into that one run. Everything I did during the past year up until marathon day was preparation. It was the best worst experience of my ENTIRE life, but so fulfilling. I had never felt better. Felt both fit and healthy and then I wanted to do more!

Running a marathon was such an incredible feeling. So many emotional highs and lows. There were plenty of times where I wanted to give up, and then I’d dig deep and knew I had to keep going. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other tears and all. There was a point where I didn’t think I would make it to the gauntlet, this is a point on the course that closes and you get rerouted to the bridge, becoming unable to complete a full marathon. There was a troll in the spectator area that told us we were too slow and we missed it. I believed him. After all, the crowd was there to encourage not tear us down. I broke down and cried. I kept jogging, I felt sick, my body wanted to give out… I wasn’t sure what to do. If I don’t run a complete marathon why bother going to the finish line. Then a Team Running Strong supporter ran up to me screaming come on hurry up you’ve made it!!!!! Then everyone in my little group perked up and we went for broke and we all made the gauntlet. Then we beat the bridge. This Running Strong Supporter stayed with us the whole time. Got us to that bridge. That straggler bus was right on our heels. But we made it with plenty of time to spare. All we had was about 5 more miles. I pushed through. I finished that marathon!

After that marathon Billy Mills told me how proud he was and gave me the biggest hug. He told me I earned my wings that day. I’m not going to divulge everything he said as it was private, but it was perhaps the proudest moment of my life. Earning your wings is a very big deal. To hear it from such an important figure goes beyond compare.

Admittedly after the marathon, I struggled with recovery. It took a long time. But once I felt like myself again I started training again and had new goals. I was going to run Marine Corps again and do it in an even faster time.  I had a long list of half marathons and 10ks on my list for this year. Including Marine Corps. I had a spot, I was to use the bib transfer program from a Running Strong team member who was unable to run last year and wouldn’t be able to do it this year either.

Then the unthinkable happened. One day after a spin class my back went out. There was no warning. There was no mechanism of injury. It just totally went. I have had back problems in the past and didn’t think anything of it. I went home to lay down and let it settle. Next thing I knew, I couldn’t get out of bed. The pain agonizing and stopped me in my tracks. I went to the ER. Diagnosis: Torn muscle. I was to follow up with the orthopedic which I did.

Then I was in for the ride of my life. More pain than I could explain, strange symptoms that I had never felt before. The medicine prescribed wasn’t helping much. More tests were run and the results showed quite a bit more than anyone ever expected. During my appointment I was expecting “you’ll be back being hard core again in no time.” That did not happen. Instead, it was a moment where they were talking and pointing at the images and everything went quiet. Numbness began to set in. I fought back the tears. In an instant. Everything changed. My muscle was the least of my worries. It was my spine. 

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce my retirement from long distance running. The one thing that allowed me to clear my mind like no other. You hear people talk about the “runners high.” I’m going to miss it. It is a feeling like no other! I know a lot of people don’t understand that feeling because when they run its pure torture. I understand that. Running isn’t for everyone, just like golf isn’t for everyone.

I am grateful though. I can walk. I can swim. I can do various low impact exercise. 

But now whenever I see a runner I feel a wide range of emotions. I feel angry when I see them run because they can and I can’t. Then I feel bad for feeling angry at them as they did nothing wrong. I then instantly get sad and want to cry, because I want to run too. Then my emotions change again. For the runner; I pray that the person can continue to run. I hope that that person can keep running because I see these people out every single day. We would pass each other on the trails and in the streets.  Runners support runners, high fives all around, nods of acknowledgement, smiles… It’s a good community to be a part of.

************************************************************************

There has been lots of people who have reached out to me. I would like to thank them. Friends, co-workers, strangers, and some doctors. The new mantra... "We are warriors not worriers." Thanks to my buddy Nat for that one!

During one of my lowest points a close friend who is also an athlete, fitness director, and nurse talked to me from the heart. She truly cared and was able to understand exactly what I was going through. She helped me realize that my life isn’t over. It has just changed. She reminded me that I’ve already run a marathon so why do it again? Check it off my list and go for a new goal. She said goals can change. So we set a new goal. As we discussed and I already knew (but was in denial about) the marathon would not be a good idea. It's the impact that is causing me issues and can potentially do me in.

So without my goal of faster marathon times what would my new goal be? Ultimately- Iron Girl, sprint distance. And she’s going to do it with me. This is my new motivation.

Step 1. Become a strong swimmer. I have to work hard. Swimming is no joke. It is hard and I have to work on it.

So you may be wondering about the running just as I was. 5ks are not out of the picture. I could walk it if I have to. Swimming will strengthen everything. The goal timeline is 1-2 years and by then… I can see myself running 5ks again. If I can’t. I’m already a strong cyclist and by then I’ll be a strong swimmer. I could walk it if I had to. I just want to finish.

 While I want to run Marine Corps just one more time, after talking with my friends I would much rather be able to stay active and be an instructor than destroy my body for no reason.. I have done the marathon- we know I can do it. So I will check it off the bucket list. As sad as I am about it. I don't want to make it worse. I am protecting my body so I can continue to teach fitness classes and encourage others. I can't do that if I injure myself beyond repair which is a very real possibility that I didn't understand before. If I run another marathon, I may never teach again. This is not an option. I love teaching. It's my passion.

1-2 years is a long way off. So what about before then?

There is a 5k I have my eyes on and have talked to my physical therapist about it. It’s 8 weeks out. My goal is to walk it. 

Different Mindset AFTER attending Jillian Michaels Maximize Your Life Tour

Last night I had the privilege of attending Jillian Michaels Maximize Your Life Tour at the Warner Theatre in DC. I wasn’t too sure what to expect from the show. I didn’t know if it was a weight loss event, a motivational speaking event... I just didn’t know, but it was my chance to see Jillian Michaels and hear what she had to say live. I was hoping that Jillian was the person who I perceived her to be. There is always fear when about to see/meet someone who you admire. I had the same feeling when I met Richard Simmons for the first time.

Like Richard, Jillian was so much more than I expected! Jillian is honest, funny, no-nonsense, but is also very compassionate. She understands the mental struggles that are associated with getting the better life that you desire. Most of us know she understands what it is like to be overweight. But she also understands what it is like to be scared to take risks that facilitate growth.

She shared many personal stories, she educated us on nutrition and how to really read food labels, she showed us that quality of the food is what matters, she proved that it’s not an all or nothing deal. She taught us the effective workouts that have given her success not only with the Biggest Loser contestants, but also her real life clients and for herself! While I did learn a lot from those sections of the show... It was the “self” portion of the show where I had my self realization moment. This section wasn’t about weight loss, though it could have been for some. This was about life. We covered everything from work, school, family, inner demons, fear, letting go etc... This was about what holds us back and why.

For those that know me very well, they know that I am fearful of falling flat on my face. It doesn’t matter that I know I can do something. The “what-if’s” and fear of the unknown outcome tends to put the brakes on. Let’s look at two similar examples...

When I became certified to teach various fitness classes I was terrified to actually teach. I was scared that I couldn’t do it. I was scared that the students wouldn’t like me. I was scared that I would be perceived as too easy. I was scared of being rejected in the fitness industry because of my size. I knew I could do it. But those thoughts were flooding through my mind. It wasn’t until another more experienced instructor told me that I could do it and I am good at it and just go for it. They told me for a specific class to make a bold first impression. “Plaster them to the wall.” I did. Since then I am extremely comfortable. I get nervous when teaching something new, but that’s different. I’m not paralyzed with fear. Once the music gets going I’m right back in my element. So this example is something that was easily worked through with the encouragement from a mentor.

 

This second example highlights my ah-ha moment during last night’s show.

 

Currently I work a basic 9-5 and then I teach fitness classes and do personal training. My 9-5 is life draining. There is little joy, I wake up in the morning and grumble and I go through the motions to get through the day. Being cooped up in a cube all day is not my idea of fun. However, it pays most of the bills and provides my much needed health insurance. Usually by Sunday afternoon I am already dreading going to the office the following day. Now, when it comes to teaching, training, or speaking I am up at the crack of dawn. I’m excited; I’m pumped up and ready to go. I would love to do more with fitness. I know I have to keep the 9-5 for insurance reasons.  But there is no reason that I can’t take on more classes, clients, or speaking engagements. Here’s the problem. I don’t! I have a million reasons why: I don’t have time, I am too tired, my 9-5 gets in the way, I have dogs, I want free time, etc... These are all very stupid reasons not to take on more. They are excuses. They are putting a cover on for what is really holding me back, fear. One of the fears I have is fear of it not happening. So what Jillian said was pure brilliance. She asked us to identify what the worst case scenario is if we don’t get what we want. The worst case is we don’t get what we want. After all, most of our goals if we don’t get it we aren’t going to die, we aren’t hurting anyone. It’s just the fear of not getting what we desire. But guess what... “You already don’t have it!” (Jillian Michaels, 2013)

It can be about anything-

·         You want to date someone and worry about being rejected or not being their girlfriend/boyfriend... guess what you already are not dating so what do you have to lose?

·         You could want a better paying job but afraid to go for it because you may not get it and feel judged in someway... guess what you already don’t have the higher paying job.

·         You want to lose 60 pounds but are afraid of not being able to do it... guess what you are already carrying the weight.

So the reality is... we really have nothing to lose because we don’t have what we desire. We are already at the bottom rung and the only place to go is up!

I had many moments that were eye opening. But I just want to share one more. She was talking about nutrition and reading labels. Specifically we were talking about the low fat or no fat labels that claim to have zero calories. Zero calories sounds amazing right? There are health experts out there who suggest we eat these zero calorie condiments/foods because they are better for us. Personally, I prefer the full versions and just watch my portion sizes. But that’s another topic for another day. Anyways... There was one label that she showed on the screen. No fat, no calories. SCOOOORE!!! Right? Doesn’t that sound too good to be true? Well if it sounds too good to be true than it is. When looking at the ingredients list things didn’t add up... I’ll just give one ingredient that was on the list that will leave you scratching your head. Buttermilk. Can someone please explain to me how buttermilk has no calories? Anyways, it turns out that this product has 1200 calories per bottle. That doesn’t sound calorie free to me. They get around it because of serving size. And then they are allowed to round. Once rounded there is legally no calories. But there is. You can’t go crazy with these no calorie products. There are calories. A very irritating loophole if you ask me. We are trying to get healthy and do the right thing, but the way labels are allowed to be makes it very difficult. She then showed us what to avoid and what to look for. Very eye opening. Ok, one more example with labels... then I’ll stop talking about it. There are multiple names for sugar. We think we are making a good choice by purchasing a protein bar. Sugar is not one of the first three ingredients on the label so we get it. But is this actually true? We must keep reading that label,  if you see three or four different sugars on the label chances are sugar should be a top three ingredient. It’s not because it’s a different type of sugar, which is the work around to ensure sugar isn’t the first thing on the label. I don’t know about you but this makes me mad. We the consumer must educate ourselves.

Jillian Michaels Maximize Your Life Tour was well done, well thought out, well researched, but most importantly real. There was a true connection between her and the audience. What makes it great is her passion. She loves what she does, she loves to teach and empower people and it shows. This show goes beyond weight loss. This show empowers you to dare to tackle your dreams. Anyone can dream, but this is about going after what you really want.

And I’ll leave you with this message. Remember when Jillian said “Unless you faint, puke or die, keep going.” We are not on the biggest loser. We are at home. We don’t have medics on standby. Jillian would rather you stop and be safe. She said so, just last night.

If the opportunity arises for me to see her again I would without any hesitation. If her tour is coming to a city near you, do yourself a favor. Get a ticket. It is well worth it. I gained more real life insight from her in 2+ hours than I had from anyone else. This isn’t a weight loss show, this is a show on life.

 Dare to live your dreams

~Meg

 

 

 

 ;)

Makes Me Stronger: The Power of Positive Thinking

The power of positive thinking. What comes to your mind when you hear that phrase? Do you right away go negative? Do you feel annoyed? Do you immediately think of the chirpy girl in the office who constantly says “aww that’s ok look at the bright side” with wide eyed enthusiasm?

Or perhaps you are nodding your head in agreement because you already KNOW what the power of positive thinking does and how it has worked for you.

Our thoughts create our own reality whether it’s positive or negative. We are exactly what we believe. We can choose how we feel. We are in control of our own emotions. This doesn’t mean that we are not going to get sad, mad, scared, etc… That is human nature. But once we work through our emotions and come to some sort of acceptance to the situation, this is where change really occurs.

Think of it like this. Your life is going great. Everything is starting to fall into place. Your dreams are coming true; you are content, happy, excited, and literally full of life. You know what you want. You went and got it. You made it happen. You set your intention, you did the work, and now you are reaping the rewards of your effort. Now that you are finally living the life you have desired you are over the moon happy.

You are so happy that you aren’t even thinking that anything could go wrong. After all how could it. You are attracting good things by your positive attitude.

But then something happens. Something unexpected and suddenly… that happy confident feeling you never gave second thought too bursts. Suddenly you are slapped with reality. You are suddenly aware of how fragile life is and how fragile our dreams really are. We become painfully aware that nothing is guaranteed.

This is where we have to dig deep. We have to look into ourselves. We have to try to change our mindset. Of course, first experience the emotions. It’s not only natural but it’s healthy. Then you must look into yourself. Realize that the shock is something you do not want in life. We must experience both the positive and the negative in life in order to achieve balance. Acknowledging the negative experience doesn’t give it more power; unless, you let it consume you. Instead, let the seemingly bad enhance the positive experiences; your desires, hopes and dreams. Let that negativity make you stronger. Let it make you fight for what you want in life. Let it force you to appreciate the good you had and still have. Let it reaffirm how strong you are.

The “Law of Attraction” is a very cool concept. It’s been around for ages, it’s just become popularized recently. It shows how to bring what we desire to ourselves. It’s the power of positive thinking! Part of achieving our desires and becoming happier and empowered is living as if. Living as if simply means that you are living your life as though you already have what you desire. You are living in the moment.

Let’s put that into context using a weight loss scenario, though it could be about anything, relationships, housing, work, finances, etc…

Story Time:

Jessie, a 27 year old female has embarked on a weight loss journey. She got tired of being overweight and wanted to do something about it. She knew that she didn’t want to be that girl. She wanted to be better. She knew she could do better. Jessie started walking around the block and then starting jogging, next thing she knew she was running. Jessie was excited. She was seeing all the changes she wanted to see. Her clothes were looser, she felt better, looked better, had more confidence, and this positive experiencing she was having with her weight loss started spilling over into other aspects of her life. Her confidence began showing at work, she was picked for exciting new multi-media projects, she joined a basketball league with her co-workers, started a weight loss group where she provided support and they exercised together in a safe friendly environment. Everything was looking up. All because she knew she wanted to make a change. She knew what she wanted, and she knew what she didn’t want.

Then one day, Jessie got sick. At first she didn’t think too much about it. There has been a nasty bug going around the office leaving people out of work for 3+ more weeks. Then just as soon as she felt better she was knocked down again. Exhausted, hurting, unable to walk around the block anymore let alone run. She went to the doctors and they ran tests looking to see what was going on in her body. She got some scary news.

Devastated, Jessie lost sight of what she wanted. Her once sunny bright happy world turned dark and gloomy with one conversation. She began to withdraw. She was scared; she didn’t know what to do. Her outlet to relieve stress was running, but now she couldn’t because she didn’t have the energy. Just day to day walking had become exhausting. She started concentrating on the worst case scenario. She started wondering “what if this is all over?” “What if I’m not meant to be that fit and healthy girl?” “What if it’s really bad and I can’t do what I was born to do?” She knew that she wasn’t a trainer or fitness professional. But she was the leader of her weight loss group. She created the exercises, she rallied the troops. She wondered what if I can’t do that anymore.

At this point Jessie is living as if the possible negative outcome is confirmed. She lost sight of what she wants. She lost sight of who she has already become. She is still that girl. Nothing has changed…yet. But she fell into a deep dark place filled with worry and fear. With that worry and fear she started to struggle more. It was as though she was attracting everything she didn’t want. You see, the “Law of Attraction” works both ways. Jessie needs to make a choice at this point. Does she want to be open and accept all the positive that is already around her or does she want to be closed to it. Only focusing on the negative which is only making her feel worse.

Jessie can’t control what her results will be. But she can control her attitude and shift her thoughts into more positive thinking. She must believe she is going to be ok. She must believe no matter what happens she’s got this. Whatever “it” is. Jessie needs to find that strength and resiliency. The same formula that she used to gain her confidence, to lose the weight, to become a runner, and to be the natural motivator that she is today. She’s got to dig deep. Otherwise she will be destroyed by the negative self-talk.

Positive thinking isn’t a cure all. But it will help Jessie achieve peace with what is going on. It will also help her continue to be the fighter that she is. It’s been said many times by so many people that you don’t know what you have until you lose it all. This is where Jessie’s fear is coming from. She finally found herself and the thought of losing it all is too much too handle. However, keeping a positive outlook will make it at least a little easier.

Jessie did decide to take her life back. She decided she was going to live. She fought back. She modified her route around the block. She did what she could do. She told her group what was going on, allowing others to step up and shine. She surrounded herself with positive people and listened to her “power” music. She dug deep. She fought back. As she fought back, she started feeling mentally stronger.

While Jessie may not know the outcome, she is fighting for the life she wants. The life she desires. The life she put into motion. She is choosing to live a happy life.

Does this mean she isn’t scared? No it doesn’t. It just means she isn’t letting it control her every waking thought. She is more than a bunch of symptoms. She is Jessie, basketball player, friend, coach, designer, runner, sister, aunt, teacher, student, etc. She chooses to continue to live the life she built for herself. She’ll deal with the rest when she has more information.

Being Realistic:

It is harder to think positive. Especially when facing a hard time. It’s so easy to go straight into panic mode. This is the society we live in. Always expect the worse. I think we should switch this way of thinking. After all it’s only a mindset. Let’s start expecting the best that could happen.

While we should prepare ourselves for something unpleasant, we shouldn’t dwell on it. We shouldn’t let it take over our lives because there are some situations that we simply do not have control over. The only control we have is how we choose to deal with it. We can give in before we have all the facts. Or we can be the fighter that we know we are. We can say no. We can say “you know what… we don’t know.” We can say “no matter what happens it’ll be ok, we will deal with it.” The positive mind frame makes all the difference in the world.

It’s your choice. Choose to be who you are born to be…. Or not. Choose to attract the good in your life. When bad things are thrown at you, fight that much harder for your dreams. Nothing comes free and easy. You gotta fight for it. Be a fighter. Be stronger. You can do it. You got this.

Public Service Announcement

I am sick and tired of people treating those who are overweight as a punching bag. I am sick and tired of people assuming that those who are morbidly obese got that way because they are lazy and they don't care. I'm sick and tired of the looks.

 

People who are overweight... they know they are overweight. They are reminded of this everytime they look in the mirror, when they try on clothes, when they can't fit through an aisle at the clothing store, when they can't fit in a booth, or they can't fit in a ride, ride a horse, and get winded walking from the front door to the car. The world is built for "normal" sized people. 

 

If you are reading this and you are one  of those people who tear the overweight down. Stop it. Instead offer them a helping hand. 

 

People don't get to be 400+ pounds just because they like food. Sure it plays a part.. but it's offering some sort of comfort. This is why there are so many emotional break throughs during weightloss journies. Yes, they need accountability... But stop feeding the problem by tearing them down. Be a supporter. Be that person who makes a difference.

 

In my time that I have been helping people lose weight.. comfort food is the number 1 reason for eating. Not because it tastes good, but because it makes them feel good. Being mean to these people... they are going to go for that escape. Just stop it. It's not right.

 

One last thing... I'm sick and tired of the overweight feeling as though they are not welcome in gyms. The overweight are very aware of their size in comparison with others. They don't need anyone telling them they shouldn't be there! A gym is a place to build health. Welcome them. Don't stare. Encourage... or if you can't be nice.. keep your mouth shut.

 

Remember, each and every one of you are absolutely worth it. The weight wasn't put on over night. It's not going to come off over night. Surround yourself with positive people, and get rid of those who are causing you distress.

Saying Goodbye

Once upon a time fast food was a staple of my life. I would stop at various fast food establishments multiple times a day without second thought and certainly no regret. I had no idea how much more money I was spending on take out versus how much I could have been saving had I gone grocery shopping more often. I had no idea how much better I could have been feeling had I been making well balanced meals at home versus high fat, high sodium, high calorie meals. But perhaps the unhealthy take-out meals were not the only problem. When I did go grocery shopping, my cart wasn’t colorful. It was full of pre-packed frozen dinners, pizzas, ice cream, etc…


Does this mean today that I don’t eat fast food at all? No, of course not. But I do make very different choices. You just have to work the menu for what you need. Is it easier ordering a number 2? It sure is, but what are you getting out of it? Instead order a salad with grilled chicken on it. You need the protein; just a bunch of lettuce isn’t going to do anything for your body. It’s a better choice.

With that said, recently I learned something about myself. I stopped to grab a sandwich from a major fast food chain. I was hours away from home, I ran out of snacks. I made a choice. I knew exactly how to make it work and stay within my calorie range, though it would be a fat and sodium bomb. I didn’t want a salad, I really wanted a burger. I made a calculated decision that I normally would shy away from.

However, it ended up not being the bomb I thought it would be. I took one bite and hated it. I thought it was absolutely disgusting. This isn’t the first time that this had happened when I grabbed something quick and convenient. It’s been happening time and time again. I felt sad because I no longer enjoy the food that gave me such a sense of pleasure in the past.

I needed to figure out why I was getting upset. Surely I couldn’t have been that unhappy simply because I didn’t like something with a million calories in it that would serve me no purpose. I had to do some soul searching. I had to, there was no choice. Why was I sad about not enjoying fast food?

I realized that I was sad because I was letting go of a part of my past. I was letting go of an old friend that comforted me when I felt all alone. I was letting go of the bitterness I carried with me from events that occurred in my past. I was letting go of the fear and the anger of the past. There is no need to fear the past. The past has already happened. I’m fine. The anger, I just had to let it go. Food is not my constant companion anymore. Food is nothing more than fuel that ensures my body can work to its fullest potential.

Before, when people would talk about mind-body-soul, I thought I understood what they were saying. But I didn’t believe it. Why? Because I didn’t get it. My body was getting healthier and stronger, I was able to accept my spirituality and be ok with who I am without any apologies. It was the mind that wasn’t fully on board. I get it now. It is clear and I don’t understand how I didn’t see it before. But that doesn’t matter now. What matters is I am transforming into an even stronger person with more understanding of who I am today and who I was yesterday. I also have a clear picture of what I will look like tomorrow. While the future isn’t set in stone, I do know it is a very bright future with endless possibilities.

I love how great life can be if we are willing to do the hard work and face ourselves.


Stay Strong.

Too Fat to Lose? I Don't Think So!

I have recently heard an argument that seems to be getting louder and louder as time goes on. I don’t know if I am hearing it more because I am doing more research on different techniques to help people achieve their weight loss goals or if more people are actually talking about it. The argument is this: some people believe that those who are obese are unable to lose weight or maintain their weight loss in the long term because they don’t have the ability to commit and are not consistent with their individualized weight loss plan.


That is a pretty bold statement and rather judgmental. I am not a fan of labels or putting people into one category. Everyone has their own reasons why they became overweight. For people to judge and say that it is not possible to lose weight or maintain it because of commitment and consistency issues is a slap in the face to each and every person who is struggling with their weight, for those who have succeeded in weight loss and maintaining, and those who are trying to get the courage to take that first step.

Being overweight is hard enough, being obese is harder, and being super obese…there is just nothing to compare. It’s downright hard. The everyday activities that people take for granted are not a reality for many. Not to mention when they venture out into public they are subjected to stares, comments, and general unwarranted judgment by others. Then to hear the nay-sayers comments of it is not possible to lose the weight because of some preconceived notion that they are not committed or they don’t care for themselves. That is crap. It’s not fair. While there are some individuals who truly don’t care for themselves there are so many more who are seeking support. They don’t need to be torn down, they get that enough. Then to plant that seed of doubt that they can’t do it. It’s not fair. More than likely there is already fear and doubt running through their minds. I know my mind was filled with negative thoughts including self-doubt.

While yes, commitment plays an enormous role in weight loss I truly believe that those who need to lose a good amount of weight have commitment. Just not in the area that supports a healthy active lifestyle. They may be committed to the convenience of daily take out, or watching 4+ hours of television per night, parking close to the stores. They are committed to a sedentary lifestyle.

Yes consistency also plays a huge role in weight loss. However I believe it is unrealistic to expect anyone to be perfectly on target with any plan. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Yes, be consistent. Take one day at a time. Track everything by keeping a food and exercise log. Write it down, even things that were not part of the plan write it down. No food amnesia allowed. The reason is simple. At the end of the month it will be possible to take a look back and see the consistency of the exercise and the good choices. If there are more good days that is consistent, if there are more bad days that too is consistent. Either way it is a starting point. A place to build and grow. It will be possible to see exactly where the changes need to be made. Keeping a log allows the ability to track the progression of the journey. It’s not something to be thrown away at the end of the month. It is another tool to keep accountable.

The formula is simple. LiveFit Revolution says it the best: Commitment=Results. 

The results come from whatever energy is put out. Let’s keep the energy positive and not bring anyone down. Everyone has the ability to lose weight. Everyone has the ability to maintain weight loss. The journey will not be perfect. Concentrate on the progress. Celebrate all achievements no matter how small they may seem… It all adds up.

In response to the argument that those who are obese are unable to lose weight or maintain their weight loss in the long term because they don’t have the ability to commit and are not consistent with their individualized weight loss plan… It’s all a matter of perspective isn’t it? They do have the ability to commit and they do have the ability to remain consistent. It’s all a matter of timing. These people have to want it; they have to be willing to put in the work. It is not easy, nor should it be. The personal growth that is achieved during a weight loss journey is remarkable. People become different. They shed themselves, including all of the baggage and become shiny and new. That is a scary prospect- becoming a new and improved person. I don’t blame anyone for not being able to be consistent all of the time or if their commitment level falters from time to time. It takes courage.

Nay-sayers… keep your mouths shut.

To those who have weight to lose. You can do it. Don’t listen to those nay-sayers. Listen to those who want to lift you up and support you. Listen to that voice within yourself that wants to make the change.


You are stronger than you think…both mentally and physically.

Yesterday I was Super Morbidly Obese.

At what point do we realize how far we have come? Is it when we realize we went down in clothing size? Is it when we realize we can fit in a booth at a restaurant? Or when we realize we can buckle a seatbelt? Is it when we realize we can make it through a whole fitness class? Is it when we realize that we are making different choices? Or is it something totally different? Does it happen well after the new events?


It wasn’t until this weekend did I have my ultimate realization.

It happened Saturday morning when I had to give myself a pep talk before teaching spin. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I had no idea how I was going to get through the class myself let alone keeping the class motivated and engaged. I had to get my head on straight; I needed a quiet moment for myself. As I stood in the empty locker room I looked into the mirror and gave myself a pep talk.

I am strong.

I have it in me to do great things and to get out there and motivate those people waiting for class to start.

I am so much stronger than I think I am.

At that moment, I suddenly got it.

My trainer has a couple phrases that she uses all the time. “You are stronger than you think you are” and constantly tells me “You’re stronger than that,” especially when I am beginning to struggle.

I never really got it until that moment. I am not the fat girl. I am not a fat instructor. I am fit and agile and strong and yes I am stronger than I think because I am not the fat girl anymore. At that point when I was looking in the mirror the fat girl disappeared and I saw me. There was no fat girl looking back at me. The result was an amazing class. I was full of energy and cheered them on as we jumped and raced. I have always been an energetic instructor but somehow this day felt different.

The next day I went to Christine after her spin n pump classes. Yes I did participate before anyone asks! I told her that I was not obese anymore acknowledging that I wasn't that fat girl anymore. I never really accepted my new body until the morning before. I have been reluctant on purchasing new smaller clothes because I “knew” that they wouldn’t fit. I was wrong about that too. I can shop off the rack from any store, just like I could when I was in high school.

A lot of you may be wondering how I’ve never seen in myself what others were seeing especially with all of the accomplishments I have shared in the past. You have to realize its one thing to tell people that I couldn't fit in a booth, wear normal clothes, and broke not just one chair but two chairs. It’s embarrassing, yes, without a doubt. However it is nothing like having to come face to face with what you have become. I was never a broken chair or a clothing size. I had to recognize, acknowledge and accept that I was super morbidly obese which became real when I went from that point to obese. Losing over 100 pounds and still being obese. That’s a big realization right there. That is how you know how heavy you have become.

I had to learn how to take the trash out of my head which is something I finally learned how to do within the past few months. I had to let it all go and had to trust the process. I was feeling stuck. I wasn’t feeling like the athlete that I had become. I still felt like the fat girl.

Today, I just want to get stronger. I want to run faster, longer. I want to lift heavier. I want to be healthy and fit for the rest of my life. I just want to be better. I want to do better. I can do that and I will do that.

Tasting the Past: Emotional Distress

Last night when I got home from the gym I went to make dinner. I wasn’t thrilled with anything that was in the house. Eventually I opted for thinly cut pork loin. Usually when I make it- it is super tender and moist. I cook it on the stove and then bake until perfection. I was impatient last night, I was feeling hungry despite having a protein bar after my workout. So I opted for fast and knew it would have the consistency of steak instead of pulled pork. All I did was put it in a nonstick pan with seasoning and added some bbq sauce when it was done. As it cooked it smelled great. I made up some onions and mushrooms and a side of beans. I also had some apple sauce with it. It was supposed to be a really good dinner.


Once it was done I sat down to eat it. The first bite was amazing. The second was pretty good. The third it started to get dicey. Next thing I knew I was sharing the pork with Koda. It’s not that it tasted bad because it wasn’t. The problem was it brought back a lot of memories that I had buried for so long. Emotions started bubbling up. All because the texture and the taste of the pork matched the pork chop dinners that I had when I was a kid-despite using a totally different recipe. We had pork chops a lot. More than I care to remember. It got to the point where I would refuse to eat it and ended up only eating the side dishes. My mom wasn’t happy about this but my dad was supportive and just pleased that I was eating my veggies.

This was my first time in over 12 years eating pork in this way. I started to feel angry, upset, physically ill… I felt like a failure, I felt poor. All from the texture and familiar taste of mom’s pork chops. Literally as I fought back the tears as I ate dinner last night I was getting more and more upset. I didn’t want to eat it. I felt as though my past was coming back to haunt me. I began to have memories pop up that I didn’t want to remember. Followed by remembering how I coped when I was a child into teenage years. I ate. I ate a lot, which you would have never known at the time. I was quite skinny. It wasn’t until I got older that I put the weight on.

After dinner I just wanted to be left alone. So I went to my room and iced down my shins and played a game on my phone. I was trying to deal with my emotions and didn’t really know how. Those memories took a perfectly good mood and turned them upside down. After a while, I got up and started to tidy up the kitchen. I found myself wanting to go through some of my old things in my room and just start throwing everything away. Anything that was a reminder of my past I wanted gone. I didn’t though. I decided to wait until this weekend because I may feel differently. I didn’t want to act totally irrational. After all… I was fine until I ate the pork.

It wasn’t too long after I was done with the kitchen that I decided to turn in for the night. I opened my window and listened to the crickets and frogs chirping. I felt the cool breeze enter my room, it was nice. But then the emotions in the pit of my stomach start to come up. I felt something warm and wet fall down my face. I laid there and couldn’t believe it. Crying? Over what? Next thing I knew I was thinking that 7-11 was open 24 hours and I could go get some chili nachos and a Slurpee, then I thought about a double whopper and chicken nuggets. Next thing I knew I wanted Ding Dong’s, Cheetos, Dorito’s, Oreo cookies, and donuts. Then I remembered a commercial I saw for Oreo donuts…even better. I was cursing Arby’s for closing so early because I love their sandwiches. Even though I only have one more week to go of my experiment of cutting out red meat. Last night I didn’t care. I wanted it all. I wasn’t interested in my fruits n berries. I wanted “real” food that “everyone” else can eat. I wanted something that tasted good. And the more I realized I didn’t have what I wanted the angrier I was getting. The interesting thing about this is you won’t find those types of foods in my kitchen. I know myself and know that I will want to eat an entire bag or box so it’s safer not being around.

Finally, I slowly began to come to my senses as I was debating on whether or not I was really going to go on a tour of various fast food places. I remembered how hard I have been working on getting healthier and stronger. I remembered my totally bad ass workout with Christine earlier in the day. I remembered how I have been able to amp up my workouts day by day and then… Then I realized I keep a food log for her to help keep me accountable and tweak things so everything is running at optimum levels… Did I really want to show her an all-out binge? Did I really want to know how many calories I was putting into my body? It’s bad enough that I would know about it- but to share something like that with her… I ended up walking laps in the house and then eventually fell asleep. I was so mad that I don’t have my punching bag anymore. I would have loved to go all out with that thing.

When I awoke this morning I was feeling a little better. I was pleased that I didn’t cave and head out into the darkness to feed my emotions. That wouldn’t have solved anything. It would have made me feel worse, both physically and mentally.

I won last night’s battle. But clearly the war still hasn’t been won. As I sit her typing this- the phantom smell of the pork permeates my nose. My throat feels like it’s choking up from the anticipation of the familiar texture. My stomach is churning. I didn’t bring the leftovers with me today for lunch. I don’t want them. I will give them away. I don’t like feeling like I did as I was growing up. I am stronger now. But the texture, smell, and flavor of the pork chop is testing my mental strength. I can’t let my past pull me back in. I must continue to move on and let it all go.

Are You Being Held Back From Your Greatness?

Is your "usual" crowd holding you back? Are you surrounding yourself with people who support all of your excuses and sabotage your efforts?

Why not surround yourself with positive people who will support and encourage you?

Take control of your life today. Sometimes we have to leave people behind so we can move forward. Believe it or not.. but life isn't all about what everyone else thinks. Your life is about you and no one else. Everything else is just noise.

Not happy?

Do something about it. Acknowledge what is broken and move forward.

Are you scared? It's ok.

I’ve said time and time again that losing weight is so much more than a physical transformation. It is a mind body transformation. It’s a huge adjustment, not only for yourself but for others around you. Losing weight involves gaining mental strength which is the essence behind a total lifestyle change.


For many they have been over weight their entire life. So they don’t just feel the pain of being an overweight adult. They also feel the pain of being an overweight child/teenager. They know exactly what it’s like to be the last one chosen on a team, they know what it’s like to bullied on the school bus and in the classroom, they know what it’s like not to be invited to parties or asked to prom. There is so much self confidence and self worth issues and can result in feeding emotions with foods. When these kids enter adulthood they become a pretty face…something that newly overweight adults hear as well. Perhaps one of the worst things people can say is “…but you have such a pretty face.” We know in our hearts that it’s just a very nice way of saying we are overweight and could look so much better.

Then one day enough becomes enough and we decide to lose the weight. But the decision isn’t just to lose the excess pounds. The decision involves leaving who we were behind-whether or not we consciously realize it. We are choosing a new way of life that is more than shedding the pounds; it’s about shedding the fear and excuses.

As your journey continues and you see not only the numbers on the scale go down and you watch your clothes fitting looser and looser. You will also realize how good your body feels. You’ll realize that you are doing things that you never thought possible. You are behaving in ways that are new to you. Instead of grabbing something quick that is loaded with fat and calories you whip up a 10 minute bean soup without second thought. This is the type of change that you have made that others notice, that your body loves, and that is what is keeping you successful.

There will come a point in your transformation where you will get scared. This is the ultimate turning point. This is where you can either run away with your new lifestyle or you can continue to hide in the shadows. This is the point when the old you fights back because that is the piece of you that helped to create the unhealthy lifestyle that you have become accustomed to. That piece of you does not want to die. But in order to continue on your path to greatness you must let that piece of you go. You are evolving. The new you is stepping into the light and kicking out the old unhappy you. What makes this so scary is the unknown. Embrace who you have become and who you are becoming. In order to grow and gain strength you have to be willing to try new things. You have to be willing to not succeed the first time but willing to get up and try again. This will be the difference between the old you and the new you.

The changes don’t happen overnight, but they do occur one choice at a time.

The Real Prize

A lot of people are talking about some of the contestants of The Biggest Loser quitting because they felt a twist in the game was “unfair”. After hearing so much about it, I decided to watch the episode to see what all the fuss was about. I was shocked at what I was seeing. Amazed that the contestants kept saying it was “unfair” for those who were sent home to have a chance to win it all. I wonder have any of these remaining contestants seen the show before. As long as I can remember, past contestants were brought back. Then to see that the contract clearly states that these things can/will occur makes me wonder did they bother reading what they signed? I also wonder do they not realize the amazing gift they were given to be selected to be on the ranch? They took advantage of every opportunity, from training with some of the best, learning from a great nutritionist, transforming their bodies, and of course the trips. In return, they should inspire the people who want to lose weight. Instead, by walking off the show I feel as though it was a slap in the face to everyone involved. It was an insult to the trainers; Allison; past, current and future contestants; additional support crews; staff; the fans…


With that said. The reason for quitting was cited as “unfairness”, they felt as though they were the best because they were the final five and they didn’t want their money or spot taken from someone who has been voted off the ranch. To me this sounds cowardice, bringing people back to compete with those who are on the ranch still…Think about it, who has the true advantage? The people who have been tearin it up at home or those living in a sheltered life on the ranch with the best trainers. In my opinion if you want to be the best, you have to beat the best. Just because you made it to the end of the “game” doesn’t make you the best. It means you played the game right, especially this season.

Helen Keller once said "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." I think Helen Keller is saying that without situations that test not only our physical but mental strength you could never truly appreciate the true joys in life. In this case the joy would be being the last one standing no matter what the circumstances. Whether you made it all the way to the end on the ranch, or won a spot after being sent home. Victory is still going to be sweet.

I have seen and heard many people talk about how unmotivated they feel about this season. We are all looking for someone who we can relate too- someone who is just like us. Seeing people walk off because they felt something was “unfair” is a slap in the face to those who auditioned and are sitting at home watching the show wondering why they weren’t chosen, knowing that they would be grateful for every minute they had there. There are many people who offer support and motivation for people who want to lose weight, but we don’t have our own tv shows. Perhaps instead of associating weight loss success with being chosen to be on a weight loss show, we should encourage at home weight loss. Thousands of people do this year after year, no cameras. Just regular people getting their sweat on.

If you are looking for extra support, there are people who lost a lot of weight and want to share their journeys with you, they want to help you. Check out your local gyms, they might have weight loss challenges that you can do. These are great because you are with a group of people. You get support and accountability. Same thing as you would get from being on tv, but with no cameras. The prize, the ultimate prize…health.

Building Evidence

I would like to talk about commitment and the concept of building evidence. Each and everyone of you had very good intentions when making the decision to lose weight. You were ready to make a change for yourself; you were committed to embarking on a journey into better health.


Everyone has their ups and downs while embarking on a weight loss journey. This journey isn’t a straight line that goes from point A to point B, which would be too easy. Instead the journey has lots of twists and turns and it’s hard. There are days where you simply don’t want to work out because you aren’t feeling it. That is a normal feeling, we all have those days. Then we will have days where you feel as though you can run a marathon! Again, this is totally normal.

Let’s talk about the days that are harder to get to the gym and what to do when you have a slow start or you begin to fall off the wagon.

First let’s look at commitment. Everyone in the entire world is committed to something. Whether you are committed to a sedentary lifestyle or one of health and fitness you made the choice, you are committed to your choice. But no fears, commitments can change. People who are committed to a sedentary lifestyle are not doomed to a lifestyle of being a couch potato. Instead they can change; they find a spark that makes them want to change. They want to be better, they want to do better. They want more out of life. This is why The Biggest Loser is so popular, it takes sedentary people who want more and immerses them in a lifestyle of health and fitness. What does this mean for you? You are committed to a healthy lifestyle; you proved this by simply by making a conscious decision to lose weight and get healthy. You have a new commitment.

Stay true to your commitment. Don’t allow any excuse to stop you from achieving your goals. We can talk ourselves out of everything. So when you start to slip and slide or are simply not wanting to work out…Remember the commitment you made to yourself. Realize you are building evidence.

Building evidence is a cool concept. With each workout and healthy choices made you are building evidence of your success. Remember back to week 1of your journey. What did it feel like? How hard was it to turn away from fries? What were your energy levels like? What is your energy level now? Is it higher? If so this is your evidence, you are able to see a change in yourself that is a direct result from the commitment you made to engage in a healthier lifestyle. Are you able to use heavier weights? If so, you are seeing yourself get stronger. Are you getting tired during a cardio class after 20 minutes or are you making it all the way through instead of 5 minutes during the first week? Are you realizing that you can do different activities that you believed you couldn’t before? Are you easier on yourself and smiling more? This is building evidence. This is your evidence.

What evidence have you built for yourself?

Positively Selfish

I would like to propose a new angle on the word selfish. I believe selfish to be a positive term especially with healthy lifestyles. When you pursue your health goals you need to put yourself first. Instead of thinking of that as "selfish", we need to look a step beyond and realize that by setting time aside for ourselves, we are putting ourselves in a better place to care for and be with the ones we love.


Selfish is not a bad word, it simply means we are looking after ourselves. For many of us, we are caregivers. Always taking care of everyone else- taking the kids to band practice and soccer, attending the company picnic, going out with friends, grocery shopping, taking care of ill or aging family members, working, juggling miscellaneous appointments, all while maintaining the household chores such as cooking, cleaning and walking the dog. Looking at this list…where is your “me” time? By putting everyone else first we can end up frazzled and exhausted, leaving us with little to give and ultimately ending up worn thin.

I don’t want any of you to feel frazzled. Instead I want you to feel empowered.

Let’s put the word selfish into a positive light and say “OK, I’m taking an hour to go exercise but that means my kids get a better mom/dad because I will have more energy to go outside and play with them longer and longer with each passing week.” Say to yourself,”My partner gets a better wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend because I’m more relaxed, energized and happy.” Your friends will notice the change too as your energy level continues to RISE!

Taking time for you is truly a better way of giving. You are taking the opportunity to be able to give not only to yourself, but also to your friends and family.

Plateau: An Opportunity to Enhance Your Greatness

Plateaus are probably one of the most frustrating phases of any weight loss regime that a person chooses. Despite diligently working out, watching portions, making healthy food choices, getting more sleep and not giving up and maintaining a positive attitude the numbers on the scale stall. Your body doesn’t seem to be changing. This can be frustrating and lead people to fall back into old habits because they feel as though they shouldn’t bother because clearly “it’s” not working, forgetting all about the success that they had achieved up until this stall.


It is normal to plateau. Everyone will experience it at some point. I have hit a plateau many times, each time I get frustrated but then I see results all over again once I make some small changes to my regime.

The cause of a plateau is relatively simple. The body’s metabolism slows, making it harder to lose weight. The body responded well at first, but it got used to the activity level and calorie level. To continue losing weight, it then becomes necessary to shake up the routine.

Before you shake up your routine first determine if you are experiencing a true plateau. Sometimes as people become more comfortable and fit, they start to slowly eat a little more falling back on old eating habits or they lessen their exercise. If this is you, then it is time to go back on whatever meal plan that is right for you and get back to working out regularly.

Once a plateau is confirmed, then you can shake it up. It’s time to amp up your workout by either increasing how long you are exercising or increasing your intensity. If you feel comfortable during your workouts, it is time to step out of your comfort zone. Push a little further each time, allow yourself to become stronger. This could be as simple as walking or running a little faster, making bigger movements in your aerobics or dance classes, sprinting a little faster or turning up the tension in a spin class. You can also try something new. Never tried kickboxing, give it a try. Don’t have a gym membership? Try shadow boxing or some other at home activity that you can do that you haven’t tried. Pull out your old workout videos and get dancing. Richard Simmons’ videos never get old and they are always packed full of fun. Every little change that you make can help break through the plateau.

Cutting calories or making different food choices is also a good option. I would recommend talking to your trainer, doctor, or nutritional consultant before you make any changes in your diet. Let them know your fitness level, let them know how often you exercise, how you exercise. This plays a critical role in ensuring that you get the proper amount of calories and nutrients into your body.

The bottom line, don’t let a plateau discourage you. Everyone goes through it. It can be beat. Don’t revert back to old ways, because then you’ll end up losing ground. Think about how much you have accomplished, how much you have changed, how much better you feel now compared to before. Challenge yourself. You challenged yourself many times before, you challenged yourself when you decided to lose weight and gain a healthy active lifestyle. Now it’s just time to enhance the greatness that you have created for yourself.

You can do it!

A Serious Note: Binge-Eating Disorder

We hear the term “binge eating” a lot. People saying things like “I totally binged last night, I had a whole pizza and half a carton of ice cream.” Or "Wow, I ate too much I need to unbutton my pants!" This is especially common around the holidays. But did they really binge?

The Mayo Clinic defines binge eating as:

a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, shrouded in secrecy.

When you have binge-eating disorder, you may be deeply embarrassed about gorging and vow to stop. But you feel such a compulsion that you can't resist the urges and continue binge eating.

 As someone who has a history of binge eating I totally get the unfairness of it all. So many people just wonder why or how a person can eat so much. They think it’s disgusting. I don’t think they realize that we feel the same way. I know I felt guilty after a binge, as do many others. This is probably why binge eaters keep it a secret. People who binge come in all different sizes, they can be at a healthy ideal weight, morbidly obese, or somewhere in between, though usually the person is overweight.

There are signs and symptoms of binge eating which include but are not limited to: eating an unusually large amount of food, eating alone, eating when full, eating fast, feeling grossed out about your eating, the feeling of depression, feeling out of control, hoarding food, and dieting.

We live in a culture where thin is beautiful, everyone wants to have that perfect body which is why I believe once a binge is over people are so hard on themselves with feelings of disgust, anger, and sometimes even remorse. This in turn can trigger another binge.

What triggers a binge? The actual cause is still unknown but there are various factors that come into play which is why it is different from person to person. There are triggers for people who binge, it can be stress which becomes more and more prevalent around the holidays or they may be unable to express anger or frustration at a situation. Emotions are the biggest triggers, and it doesn't have to be just the feeling of anxiousness or frustration, ANY emotion can trigger a binge. Also certain foods can cause people to go on an all out binge because some foods can artificially inflate the dopamine levels. Knowing this, is why I believe triggers can be both psychological and biological.



My Secret

There are certain foods that I must avoid at all costs because it can potentially trigger a binge. I have debated on whether or not I wanted to share what one of my past binges looked like. The biggest pro of sharing this information was letting you know that you are not alone; that there are real people out there who are going through or have gone through the same thing. The biggest negative was- it’s a secret. I have only talked about this with those who I have sought help from. I’m not proud of it, I feel ashamed by it because I should know better, and I do know better, but the loss of control during a binge seems so much stronger than my will to stop. I won't go into specific details because I'm not comfortable with sharing such intimate details for the world to see.

One night I was feeling overwhelmed with emotion; I was super stressed about an incident that occurred earlier that day. I just wanted to watch some TV and unwind, forgetting that the whole thing ever happened. At first I was just watching TV, then I got to thinking about cookies…I went into the kitchen and grabbed 4 cookies and a pop. Next thing I knew I had emptied the kitchen in a matter of a few hours

Even today, I still feel embarrassed, ashamed, and a bit nauseated by what I consumed and put my body through. I felt horrible about myself. I looked at the carnage and empty kitchen and asked myself why. I had no idea. I felt out of control, I was full while I was eating, I was getting more and more uncomfortable…Yet I couldn't’t stop. I was totally out of control. Looking back, I could say I almost felt high from the food I was eating, similar to how one feels when they have taken morphine.

The next day I started a “diet.” Which of course led to more binges. Of course the need to "diet" was enhanced by how horrible I felt the next few days. I had body aches, it was hard to sleep, I was bloated, sluggish, and just felt all around miserable. Today, I understand why I felt so terrible, it wasn't just because the the large amount of food. It was the foods I choose. I ate a ridiculous amount of processed foods. Eating a large amount of processed foods can artificially elevate dopamine, which allows us to feel pleasure. So while I was gorging on chips and cakes I was feeling very very good. That feeling of good, then tells your brain that the food tastes better than it really does, making it harder and harder to stop. So then comes the big question. Why? Why did I need "feel good" food to bring me pleasure, what was going on that I sought comfort in the very thing that made me feel so sick? I found some of those answers when I sought out help.

So believe me, when I say I understand I really do. I urge you to seek out help. Binge eating can be dangerous; it’s not good for you. It can and will do terrible things to both your physical and mental health. Contact someone you trust, a doctor, spiritual leader, counselor…or if you aren’t comfortable with that just yet. Start with talking to a friend about it. Let them help you make that first step, who knows they may even go to your first appointment with you.

Having a support system is priceless, without it I probably wouldn't be doing as good as I am now.

Help Yourself

There are things you can do to help yourself. Stick to your treatment plan and don’t hide if you have a setback. There will be setbacks; it’s not a perfect road. But don’t let those setbacks define you. Let your ability to rebound and learn build you. Keep an open line of communication open between you and whoever is helping you. Avoid dieting. Yes I know this was a hard one for me too! I had set meal plans; I wasn’t to count calories anymore…Counting calories…oh a huge trigger for me. I don’t count now and it is wonderful. Don’t stock up on food. If the food isn’t in the house it’s a lot harder to binge. Also exercise! If you are feeling stressed about something and you know stress is one of your triggers, go for a walk, go to the gym, chop down a tree, shovel the driveway, do something physical to get your endorphins going. Endorphin release will make you feel happier and can potentially prevent a binge all together.

Remember binge eating is an eating disorder and it should not be taken lightly. Eating disorders seem rather cruel to me. Unlike substance abuse, it is impossible to avoid food. We need food to survive, remember food is fuel. So it’s not like someone with an eating disorder can just avoid it. WE need it to survive. So if we get too much or too little fuel, there will be devastating affects to our bodies and up to and including death.

Binge eating can also lead to another type of eating disorder. Bulimia. Bulimia differs from binge eating in one area. That is what they do after a binge. Those who suffer from bulimia will try to get rid of the food through deliberate purging; ie, self induced vomiting, laxatives, excessive exercise, or any combination. Again, if this is you please seek out help. I know it’s scary, I know all the emotions that go along with it. Just start by having a simple conversation with someone who you trust or call 1-800-931-2237 for free and confidential help from the National Eating Disorder Association.



For more information on eating disorders go to:

nationaleatingdisorders.org
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Eating Disorders
Overeater's Anonymous

Don't Quit!

Every year many people flock to the gym with the best of intentions. They come faithfully for one or two months and then are not seen again...or until next year. 


Look what happens when you stick with it. The white shirt, used to me my gym shirt. Now it's the orange shirt which I will wear whenever I have the opportunity! I love it! I also have multiple black one's in the same style ;) 

This success can be yours too. You just have to stick with it. Yes it's hard, yes it takes time, yes it can get frustrating, but the rewards are many. The rewards go far deeper than looks. They are inside. You will feel amazing, energized, and you too will motivate others. You can do this! We are doing this together.

Live Healthy my friends :)

You Are More Than A Weekly Weigh In Number

It is clear that the scale isn't the only way to measure success. Sometimes, the scale doesn't reflect the amount of effort a person puts in week after week. Don't let a non moving or slow moving scale discourage you. Instead focus on your personal triumphs.



Here is how I measure my success.



I am up to 240lbs for the leg press. This doesn't mean I am forever staying at this weight. I have gradually increased my weight from 80lbs to where it is now. How I judge success is: Can I do it longer? Can I add more weight? Can I handle more resistance? Can I do this weight with one leg? Oh and I can :) Can I add extra calf raises?


Stairs (which I hate btw) I judge success by can I run up and down 3 times. Can I add additional weight? Can I add more laps? Can I add in a strength interval?


Plyometrics is hard for me, but I do it anyway. I judge success by determining whether I can do more of level 2 and 3 over level 1? Can I jump higher? Can I consistently jump onto the large step and back down or do I need to rest? How long do I last until I need a break? Did I last longer this time?


Being aware of how I feel is a good gauge in helping me determine how I'm doing. It's hard not to feel good when you work out like a maniac. Endorphins are a good thing. If I'm not feeling good, maybe I'm doing something wrong. Or maybe I slacked off. Sometimes, I could just be having an off day and that is ok. Everyone has an off day. You can't be perfect all the time. Additionally, I am cognizant of how my clothes are fitting; are they loose? Are they getting tight? Getting tight is a bad thing. If this happens, look at your exercise, look at your food log, are you being honest with yourself? Nip it in the bud, don't wait until you are shopping for larger clothes.

Right now I am fighting an uphill battle with the flexed arm hang. I must pass the flexed arm hang test to be considered for a fitness certification I have my eyes set on. My shoulder is stubborn, not healing to my standards. It has been left extremely weak. So I've been practicing. As of right now I am concentrating on just hanging for 15 seconds. When I first tried I lasted 3, then 6, now 11. To me that is success. There is progressive improvement. I am working on grip strength and mental toughness. I want to be sure I give this goal my all. If it turns out I can't do the hang without damaging my shoulder I won't go for the certification, but for now... I'm going for it until my body tells me otherwise.


With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. ~Eleanor Roosevelt


Another measurement of success is passing up an extra slice of pizza, ordering a salad instead of fried chicken, passing up a beer for lemon water. These too are successes.


Success lies around every corner. It doesn't always have to reflect a number. Sometimes success is simply doing just a little better or making the harder choice.


What are your successes?


Be proud of what you have achieved.